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Tafel sighed and waved her hand. A portal opened above her, and a fluffy couch tumbled out, landing on the ground. With an exhalation, she flopped backwards, splaying her limbs and extending her legs, sinking deep into the couch. She patted her side, gesturing for her companions to come sit with her. Vur was the first to respond, plopping down beside his wife, leaning his head on her shoulder and falling asleep instantly. The natives that had accompanied the party through the portal stared at Vur before staring at Tafel. They exchanged glances with each other before exchanging hushed whispers.
Mr. Skelly nodded at Lindyss. He grabbed the bottom of his skull and raised it off his body as if he were tipping a hat. He grinned and placed it back on before grabbing Alice’s hand and winking at Lindyss. “Things are working out surprisingly well between us.”
Lindyss’ expression remained neutral. “Glad to hear that,” she said. Her head turned slightly to the side and down to look at Alice. “He’s telling the truth, right? It’s hard to tell at times.”
“Of course,” Alice said. “Nate lies about a lot of things, but he wouldn’t lie about something like this.” There was a short pause, and her brow furrowed. “I think. Probably. If he does, I’ll take his head and hide it.” She nodded, more to herself than to Lindyss. “Thank you for giving me a chance with him.”
“No problem,” Lindyss said. “He’s his own person. I removed all seals of obedience on him a long time ago. He’s been free to go for the past couple of centuries.”
Mary blinked at Lindyss. “Why are you here? Is your evil dragon husband here too? Do you have Mary Junior?”
Lindyss took in a deep breath through her nose. Then, she exhaled through her mouth. “For the last time,” she said, keeping a straight face, “Grimmy is not my husband. He is not my lover. He is not my mate. The relationship between us is strictly friends. As for why I’m here, Vur’s mom wanted me to make sure he returned home safely since she couldn’t trust that dragon over there.”
Everyone followed Lindyss’ pointing finger. Their gazes landed on two wrestling red dragons. They were tugging and biting at each other while slapping at each other with their paws. “Hey! No biting my tail! I’ll tell Mom!”
“I’ll tell Mom you threw me into another dimension without giving me a way back!”
“I didn’t throw you in there, you ran in there yourself! Besides, you know Mom loves me more; she’ll tell you to stop picking on me.”
“Fine! I won’t bite your tail.”
“Ack! Biting my toes is even worse!”
“Mmph! How do you, mmph, like that?”
“I’ll fart on you! I’ll really do it!”
Mary turned back to look at Lindyss. “I wouldn’t trust her either.”
“Exactly,” Lindyss said. “As for Mary Junior, she’s your turtlesnake that Grimmy wanted you to take care of, right? I think Grimmy already ate her.”
Mary’s eyes widened, and she partially unsheathed her sword. She turned towards Tafel and took off her gauntlet. “Wish me luck.” She grabbed the blade of her sword with her bare hand, causing the reflective surface to turn red. “I’m going to slay a dragon.”
“Wait,” Tafel said, but it was too late. Mary took one step and disappeared from the cavern, leaving the faint smell of blood behind. Tafel lowered the hand she had just extended and sighed. “Didn’t Grimmy want the turtlesnake to grow older before eating it? Hasn’t only three or four months passed? Why would he eat it so soon?”
“Is that so?” Lindyss asked, raising an eyebrow. “Then I guess he didn’t eat it yet.”
Tafel stared at Lindyss. “You did that on purpose.”
A faint smile appeared on Lindyss’ lips. “It’s very rare for someone to volunteer to entertain Grimmy,” she said. “And when Grimmy’s entertained, he won’t find me to bother.”
Tafel shook her head. “You think that’ll be the case, but I can guarantee Mary won’t be entertaining Grimmy. She gets lost on her way to the bathroom; there’s no way she’ll find Grimmy even if you gave her a map leading to him.”
Lindyss stroked her chin before shrugging. “It was still worth a shot,” she said. “Anyway, who are these people?” She gestured towards the natives and Charles V. “And what’s Charles doing here?”
“You know Charles?” Tafel asked, blinking twice. Her gaze landed on Charles. He seemed awfully pale. Tafel looked back at Lindyss, but the cursed elf didn’t show any change of expression. “Well, those people over there”—she gestured towards the natives—“are Vur’s subjects. They think he’s a god. As for why they’re here…, ugh.” She rubbed her eyes and dragged her hands down her face, stretching her cheeks. “They think they’re being rewarded for their valor, entering the kingdom of the gods or something like that.”
Lindyss stared at Vur. A line of drool was leaking out of his mouth, snaking down Tafel’s shoulder. “Are you going to clean that up?” she asked and pointed at Tafel’s clothes.
Tafel wiped her finger against her clothes, and steam rose out of it as she evaporated all the drool. “As for Charles, he was the old emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. I kinda, sorta, maybe took over his territory?” She cleared her throat. “When he saw that we were leaving, he begged to come with us, and I felt a little bad for him since I did steal his authority and all that, so I decided why not? So, he’s here now.”
“Right,” Lindyss said and gave Charles V a small smile. He shivered, and a whimper escaped from deep within his chest. Lindyss redirected her gaze towards the four people sitting on Tafel’s fluffy couch. “Well, I’m glad you had fun.” She glanced at the horse standing behind the couch with a white cat sitting on top of its back. She chose not to comment on them. “Since my job here is done, I’ll be going now. Toodles.”
Tafel blinked at Lindyss’ figure disappearing around a corner. “But I didn’t even get to tell her what happened,” she said. “I even brought out the couch for her to get comfy.”
Alice shrugged. “Eh. I mean, Vur was right,” she said. “That adventure was pretty dull. It was novel at the start, but it’s just not interesting when we’re too strong. Punching down those fortresses felt like kicking over children’s sand castles at the beach. Let’s go somewhere else more interesting next time.”
“Yeah,” Tafel said and sighed, sinking deeper into her couch. “I guess you’re right.”