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A bubble of gas exploded by Yeoman’s feet, emitting a foul stench that assaulted his nostrils. Even as a zombie, the smell disgusted him. The ground was wet, swampy. Every step he took dragged strands of viscous liquid along the soles of his shoes. The buzz of mosquitoes droned on nonstop, and dragonflies constantly flitted about in front of his face.
“There’s something about you that attracts insects, huh?” Mr. Skelly asked.
Yeoman’s expression darkened. Thanks to a fairy’s curse, he smelled like flowers, but flowers weren’t supposed to attract mosquitoes. It seemed like the skeleton couldn’t smell him, which Yeoman found a little odd. Mr. Skelly had no eyes, but he could see. He had no vocal cords, but he could speak. He had no ears, but he could hear. He had no nose, but somehow, he couldn’t smell? What was with that inconsistency? “I smell like flowers.”
Mr. Skelly nodded. “Grimmoldesser really didn’t account for your brain rotting when he created you, huh? Don’t you worry. We’re almost there, and once we arrive, I’ll have your brain in working shape in no time at all.”
Yeoman seriously wondered if he should correct the skeleton’s misconception about his intelligence. What if Mr. Skelly smashed Yeoman’s head open and replaced his brain with someone else’s? “No, I mean, a fairy cursed me to smell like flowers. The curse attracts all kinds of creatures.”
“Yes, yes,” Mr. Skelly said. “I understand.” He leaned over and whispered to his skeletal horse, “The poor fellow doesn’t even know fairies avoid the undead like the plague.”
Yeoman’s eye twitched. “I’m not an undead.”
“Neither are we,” Mr. Skelly said. He looked around. “Isn’t that right, folks?”
The other skeletons cackled. “That’s right. We’re still alive. We can talk, can’t we?”
Yeoman sighed. He didn’t know what to say anymore. Clearly, Mr. Skelly’s first impression of him was engrained too deeply. Yeoman would forever be an idiot in the skeleton’s mind. “I’m not an idiot. I’m not a moron.”
“Yes, yes,” Mr. Skelly said, patting Yeoman’s shoulder from above. “You’re smart and brilliant, of course. No one said you were an idiot.”
Yeoman gave up. There was no convincing this skeleton. Back on Earth, there was a journalist who wanted to report the situation inside of mental institutions, so she pretended to be insane. Once she got in and fully understood the conditions that the patients had to live in, she stopped acting insane, so the authorities would release her. However, the saner she acted, the more insane the authorities deemed her to be. Yeoman wasn’t being mistreated, but he thought he could relate to how that journalist felt. How was he supposed to prove he wasn’t an idiot to someone who firmly believed he was a moron? It was impossible.
“Well,” Mr. Skelly said, “we’re probably going to be friends for the next few centuries. Why don’t you tell me more about yourself? Where are you from?”
Yeoman couldn’t tell the skeleton he was from New York, right? However, not answering was also a pretty poor choice, but he honestly didn’t know the names of any towns or cities. Virlyce had simply never included them; Yeoman couldn’t help but despise the author for glossing over such details. Sure, they were minute details, but they were important for building a world, no? There was only one acceptable answer then. Yeoman sighed. “I can’t remember.”
“Details like that are easy to forget,” Mr. Skelly said and nodded. “How about family? Did you have a wife and kids?”
“No.”
“Don’t you worry. There’s plenty of single lady skeletons out there.” Mr. Skelly nodded again. “I’m sure you’ll find someone perfect for you. How about hobbies? Everyone has hobbies. Do you remember yours?”
Did sitting on a couch while streaming videos and eating snacks count as a hobby? In the first place, the skeleton wouldn’t even know what a laptop or videos were. “I don’t remember.” Yeoman could feel the skeleton’s evaluation of him dropping with every word coming out of his mouth.
Mr. Skelly sighed, his ribcage expanding and contracting in an exaggerated motion. “It’s alright. We’re here.” The skeleton slid off of his horse and landed in the middle of a dark-green puddle. He crouched and plunged his hand into the ground. “Where is it? I’m pretty sure this was the spot we buried them in.”
Was the skeleton digging for treasure? Yeoman thought the skeleton said they were here to fix his intelligence, but what could possibly be buried under there that could help? A magical tool? “What are you looking for?”
“Give me a second,” Mr. Skelly said. Without warning, he stuck his skull into the puddle. Both his arms followed after it, and soon, his whole body was submerged except for two skeletal feet. With a glopping sound, the boney feet disappeared as well, leaving Yeoman behind with a skeletal horse and dozens of skeletons standing behind him. There were dozens of them, but it was eerily quiet. Only the drone of mosquitoes could be heard.
Yeoman looked around. They had been traveling through a swampy area, and honestly, it all looked the same to him. The trees were thick and dark, covered in vines. Ferns were growing everywhere, unchecked. Among them, there were pitcher plants, the ones Yeoman had seen online before in videos about bug-eating plants. It didn’t seem like there were any animals living in the swamp. Either the living conditions were just too poor, or none of them dared to show their faces in front of the undead.
There was a splashing sound, and Mr. Skelly resurfaced from the green puddle. The skeletal horse stepped forward, and Mr. Skelly held onto one of its ribs. The horse reared back, lifting the skeleton out of the puddle with ease. In Mr. Skelly’s hand, there was a dark, purple blob. “I found one,” Mr. Skelly said and held the blob out to Yeoman. Mud slid down the skeleton’s bones, dropping to the ground with a plop. “It’s a Fruit of Knowledge.”
A Fruit of Knowledge? That? It looked more like a rotten frog carcass.
“Don’t be shy,” Mr. Skelly said and grabbed Yeoman’s arm, planting the so-called Fruit of Knowledge into his palm. “Eat up while it’s still being preserved by the bog water.”
[Obtained Rotten Fruit of Knowledge (Epic)]
[Rotten Fruit of Knowledge (Epic): Eating this fruit unlocks a gene of the consumer’s choosing. Two thousand points will be granted to the consumer—only to be spent on the aforementioned gene. The consumer will not be able to spend any additional points in said gene unless it is unlocked normally through the evolution system. This fruit is rotten; consuming it may bring about serious side effects including diarrhea, vomiting, fever, hallucinations, loss of memory, incontinence, and death.]
Yeoman read the item description. The effects of a Fruit of Knowledge were impressive; however, the side effects of it being rotten…, how the hell did it cause incontinence? It was a good thing he was a zombie; he doubted he’d suffer any serious side effects, if any. The skeletons were staring at him, waiting for him to eat it. For a second, Yeoman was worried this was a ploy to kill him, but after thinking about it, he realized the skeletons didn’t have to go through so much trouble to eliminate him: Mr. Skelly could do that by himself with less effort. Even if he did die, the effect might’ve been worth it. Yeoman threw the fruit into his mouth, tilted his head back, and swallowed it like he was taking a shot of vodka. He didn’t want to taste it.
When Yeoman lowered his head, instead of seeing the skeletons and the swamp, he found himself in a familiar room, the dark dimension with the phylogenetic tree of life constellation. It seemed like the effect of the fruit was instantaneous. It was either that or … the fruit killed him and he was brought to the end of the stage. “Did I die?”
[Consumed Fruit of Knowledge (Epic)]
[Unlock a gene and spend 2,000 points in it.]
Yeoman exhaled. It seemed like he was still alive, and this was just a temporary intermission. The Fruit of Knowledge was very nice, letting him unlock any gene he wanted. However, Yeoman had no idea what to unlock. He could take Cody’s advice, find an animal that could attack from a distance. There were a few in the Japanese man’s document: chameleons, frogs, spitting snakes, spitting spiders, velvet worms, cone snails. However, Ella had already enlightened him. He didn’t need range to attack from the air if he took the approach of a bird of prey. Besides, there was one animal that was the uncontested king at killing from a distance: Humans. He couldn’t bring a gun into the alien spaceship, but even if he died in here, it didn’t matter. The true threat of death came from Earth, and on Earth, guns weren’t off limits.
If Yeoman wasn’t going to pick a ranged ability, the next logical step would be a defensive one. Regeneration from an axolotl or sea cucumber was the internet’s consensus on the best healing abilities. However, Yeoman was a zombie. His healing ability was already monstrous, and it’d feel like a waste if he added regeneration on top of that. As for picking a shell or scales to defend himself from attacks, Yeoman felt like it’d be a waste. There weren’t any animals that could stop a bullet thanks to its scales or shell; however, there were animals that could survive gunshots due to their sheer size like bears and elephants.
Even with ranged attacks and defensive abilities off the table, there were still plenty of options for Yeoman to choose from. There were lots of animals who could sense things that humans couldn’t. Whenever a fish moved or twitched, small electric currents would be generated. Sharks were masters of electroreception, able to sense those tiny currents, letting them lock onto the fish from afar. Then there was the magnetic sense of the red fox. They were able to hunt mice hidden below several feet of snow by using the Earth’s magnetic field as a rangefinder. Yeoman also couldn’t forget the infrared senses of snakes, able to hunt at night thanks to their ability to see their target through its body temperature. And then there were the bats and dolphins with their ability to echolocate. All of these abilities were tempting to get.
However, Yeoman wasn’t going to fall for the temptation. Those senses might’ve been helpful, but they weren’t crucial to survival. Would any of those have helped him save the goblins from Swirling Wind? No. Then again, Yeoman didn’t think any single adaptation could’ve let him defeat Swirling Wind. Perhaps the standard should be changed to abilities that could’ve helped him escape. If he didn’t have his teleportation ring, he would’ve died. However, no matter how hard Yeoman thought about it, there wasn’t any animal on Earth that could’ve escaped from Swirling Wind. What if he wasn’t limited to animals on Earth though?
“Dragon. Can I unlock a dragon gene?”
[Unlock a gene and spend 2,000 points in it.]
Yeoman furrowed his brow at the displayed line. “Unlock dragon gene. Uh, add the organ that allows them to use magic. Add dragon scales.”
[Unlock a gene and spend 2,000 points in it.]
Yeoman sighed. It seemed like he was limited to creatures found on Earth. Since that was the case, there was one animal that Yeoman had always been fascinated by ever since he had heard about them: the mantis shrimp. They had modified claws that were basically like hammers. Those hammers could accelerate as fast as a bullet, and they even had a special structure that allowed them to withstand the force of impact. If Yeoman wanted their punching ability, he’d need to add those modified claws or replace his fists with them; otherwise, if he tried punching as fast as a bullet with his fist, it’d shatter on impact with whatever he hit. The thing was … Yeoman didn’t know if he wanted to modify his body even further. Wings were barely acceptable. The mainstream media loved humans with wings. However, only antagonists had multiple limbs, especially limbs that belonged to different organisms. Yeoman sighed. Was he really going to let his vanity get in the way of punching as fast as a bullet? It really depended on how ugly it looked.
“Can I see how a mantis shrimp’s claws would look on my body?”
A hologram of Yeoman appeared. Two extra limbs grew out of Yeoman’s shoulder, jutting forwards like outstretched arms. They bent downwards at the elbows, the claws curling inwards towards his armpit. Yeoman had to admit he looked hideous with those modifications. After seeing it, he couldn’t bring himself to unlock the mantis shrimp. Sometimes, appearance was more important than effect. With the mantis shrimp taken off his list of options, Yeoman exhaled and scratched his head. What was he lacking? Yeoman recalled his defeat to Swirling Wind. Magic. He couldn’t get magic through evolutions. How was he defeated by Mr. Skelly? Strength. Most large animals were mammals, extremely close to the genes Yeoman had already unlocked. It would’ve been a waste for him to use this free gene unlock on something so close.
What else had caused him trouble? Snow. Before he could even react, Snow had hamstrung him and stabbed him in the lung. Speed was a crucial factor too, but it was greatly influenced by muscle and body strength as well. There were some insects that had extremely high acceleration, but Yeoman wasn’t sure if his body could withstand it. If he accelerated too fast and came to a stop, it’d be similar to jumping off a building. His brain would crash into his skull, turn into a pile of mush, and he’d die. It seemed like everything had a downside.
Yeoman shook his head. Should he just go with his original plan? Unlock the remaining bear genera and add their muscles to his body? If the Fruit of Knowledge hadn’t given him so much freedom of choice, the answer would’ve been so simple. Now, there were too many choices. Should he give himself an explosive ability from the bombardier beetle? What about poisonous venom from a blue-ringed octopus? He could obtain the ability to electrocute things with the help of an electric eel’s organs. The more Yeoman thought about it, the more he realized there was a problem with his way of thinking. In the end, animals developed all these adaptations to hunt. Why should he have more than one method of hunting? Lions weren’t venomous because they didn’t need any venom to kill things. Yeoman already had a huge mace. What could he kill with an electric eel’s ability that he couldn’t with the mace? Rather than spreading out his ability types, he should reel them in, focus on one niche. That’s how species evolved—to fill a niche in the ecosystem.
Yeoman already knew what he was good at. Compared to other Earthlings, his strength was off the charts. Compared to people enhanced by magic, he was still a little behind. He had to close that gap, but it still really felt like he’d be wasting a good chance if he chose to unlock an elephant or hippopotamus gene. Yeoman sighed. If he wanted to be strong, he’d have to focus on the fundamentals, and strength was the best fundamental to have. However, he couldn’t help but feel like he was missing something. Everything on Earth adapted to survive. They needed energy to live. Yeoman recalled his lack of energy because he hadn’t eaten, purely relying on photosynthesis. What if he improved his ability to photosynthesize and, at the same time, improved his defensive ability? What if instead of unlocking an animal gene, he unlocked a plant gene? He could pick a poisonous plant or a plant with thorns on its leaves. It was perfect.
Rather than picking a poisonous plant, thorns were a better option; after all, poisons didn’t work on everything. The thorniest plant Yeoman knew was the porcupine tomato. His mom had told him about it once, and he didn’t believe her because of the plant’s ridiculous name, but it did, in fact, exist. It was also extremely far away on the phylogenetic tree of life. It took him a while to find it, but once he did, Yeoman tapped on it and examined how he would look if he were to add some leaves to himself. It was acceptable, much more so compared to the mantis shrimp claws. “Unlock the porcupine tomato. Add leaves….” What should he do with the other one thousand points? “Optimize the plant.”
[Unlocked Solanum pyracanthos.]
[Adding Solanum pyracanthos leaves complete.]
[Optimizing Solanum pyracanthos complete.]
A layer of leaves grew over the backs of Yeoman’s wings. They were green with an orange line running through their middles. Thorns sprouted from the lines, each one easily over two inches long. Yeoman felt some movement on his head, and he glanced up. There were a few leaves growing with his hair as well. Before he could inspect himself further, the dark dimension disappeared, replaced by the swamp and skeletons.
“Huh,” Mr. Skelly said, his eye sockets contorting as he blinked. “The Fruit of Knowledge is supposed to make one more knowledgeable….”
“Leader,” one of the skeletons whispered. “Do you think he was dumber than a plant at the start?”
“That explains why he turned into one,” Mr. Skelly whispered back. “He’s as dumb as a plant now, but at least it’s an improvement.”
“Do we have any more Fruits of Knowledge to feed him?”
“So, he can what? Turn into a tree? No, I think we’ve done enough.”
Yeoman cleared his throat. He wasn’t going to get angry at the skeletons, not after they gave him such a great item.
“Oh dear,” a skeleton said. “He’s leaking.”
Yeoman looked down. There was a growing wet spot on his pants. One of the side effects of the rotting fruit came to mind. Of all the side effects he could’ve received, he had gotten incontinence? Yeoman’s brow furrowed. He hoped it wasn’t permanent. It didn’t really make much sense either. As a zombie, he shouldn’t even have needed to use the bathroom.